This week, gratitude has been on my mind even more than a normal November.
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One of my favorite professors from undergrad, Dr. Stanley Hauer, passed away recently. He was incredibly smart, deeply generous with his knowledge, and so precise in his thinking and teaching that decades later, I can still draw the entire Indo-European language family tree from memory. Because of him, I could once recite the opening of Beowulf in Old English and The Canterbury Tales in Middle English.

​Two nights ago, I pulled out my old British Studies binder (I studied The Legends of King Arthur with him in London) and I flipped through page after page of notes, careful outlines, maps, diagrams, and lecture handouts. I could practically hear his voice. He was meticulous. He expected a lot. And what he gave all of us was a kind of training in how to think clearly, how to care about language, and how to carry knowledge forward.

He’s been on my mind so much lately.

And it got me thinking about the gifts we’re given that don’t show up on transcripts or diplomas. The ones we carry long after the exams are over.

I was a scholarship recipient at The University of Southern Mississippi. Donor support made it possible for me to study abroad, to intern in D.C., to attend conferences at places like Princeton. I heard lectures from world-class scholars because someone gave to our University Forum series. I graduated with minimal student debt and a wide-open sense of possibility.

But what those scholarships really bought me wasn’t just travel or resume lines.

They bought me the chance to sit in classrooms like Dr. Hauer’s. To learn how to make connections across centuries. To feel my brain stretch around ideas I wouldn’t have encountered any other way. That’s the kind of education no one can ever take from you.

And here’s what I know now, after years in fundraising: somewhere, a donor (probably many donors) made that possible. Someone gave to the Honors College. Someone gave to the Annual Fund. Someone gave to international programs. Someone gave to make sure a curious kid from Alabama could see Van Gogh’s Starry Night in person – and come home thinking differently about the world.

That’s why I do this work. That’s why I believe in it so deeply.

Donors often never meet the people they impact. But that doesn’t make the impact any smaller. It might make it bigger. Because it means we give not just to people we know – but to a future we believe in.

This Thanksgiving, I’m holding deep gratitude for the education I received, for the donors who made it possible, and for the professors – like Dr. Hauer – ​who shaped the way I see and think and live.

May we all honor the people who taught us well. And may we keep passing that knowledge on.
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Cheers,

P.S. Like this kind of insight?
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So let’s talk about a fundraising skill that never makes the slide deck – but affects every single donor conversation: your ability to receive.

Receiving: the skill of accepting with grace – no strings, no scrambling, no shame. If you can’t accept a compliment without brushing it off, if you downplay a gift or reflexively offer something back the second someone does something kind for you… it might be time to take a closer look at your receivership muscle.

Yes, I said receivership. As in, the ability to simply receive.

Not barter.
Not apologize.
Not prove you’ve earned it.

Just receive.
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Now, I know this might sound like a soft skill or a personality quirk. But hear me out. This is mindset work. And for fundraisers, it matters.

Most fundraisers I know didn’t get into this work because they wanted attention or praise. We’re here to serve. We advocate for missions we believe in. We lift others up. But too often, that servant mindset gets twisted into something smaller: self-neglect, chronic under-earning, burnout, or quiet insecurity that whispers you’re not doing enough no matter how much you give.

And if you’re carrying that around – if you’ve internalized the message that your worth is tied to your productivity or output – donors will pick up on it.

Not consciously. But it seeps in.

You’ll hedge your asks.
You’ll downplay your case.
You’ll lead with scarcity instead of confidence.

​You’ll make it harder for them to give.

Here’s the truth I come back to, again and again: Worthiness is inherent. Not earned. Not measured by campaign goals or gift totals. It’s your birthright. Mine too.

But most of us weren’t raised to feel that in our bones. And let’s be honest, nonprofit culture doesn’t always help. We celebrate hustle and sacrifice. We glorify being “lean.” We wear our under-resourced status like a badge. And then we wonder why our donors hesitate.
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That energy – of not-enoughness – clashes with the generosity we’re asking for. If we want donors to see our missions as worthy of investment, we have to believe that ourselves. And that starts with how we show up in everyday life.

Let someone buy your coffee without rushing to get the next round.

Accept a compliment without shrinking or deflecting. Just say thank you.

Take a breath when someone helps you, instead of jumping into apology or explanation.

These are small things. But they add up. They rewire your nervous system to believe: I can receive. I don’t have to hustle for every drop of goodness in my life.

And that’s the same belief you need when you sit across from a donor and ask for a major gift. It’s the belief that says: This work is worthy. This mission deserves support. And I am a trustworthy guide for your generosity.

That doesn’t come from a script. It comes from the inside out.

If this resonates with you, I’d love to hear how you’ve worked on receiving in your own life. Or where you’ve struggled with it. It’s tender work – but it’s the kind that changes everything.

Let’s stop shrinking. Let’s stop scrambling to prove ourselves. Let’s remember what was true all along: You’re worthy. Your mission is worthy. And it’s okay to receive.
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Cheers!

P.S. Like this kind of insight?
Subscribe to Real Deal Fundraising and get my best articles, tools, and curated resources every week – including webinars, videos, and free downloads.

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I’ve long been an advocate for fundraisers to be better partners with our database colleagues because they can make or break your success. And after decades of working closely with our data buddies, I can say that they often get frustrated with us because we send emails like this:

“Can you pull a list of major donors?”

That’s it. No timeline. No parameters. No context.

When data requests go off the rails, it’s usually not because anyone’s trying to be difficult. It’s because we’re talking past each other.

Fundraisers are focused on goals. Database folks are focused on parameters. You’re thinking: “I need a list of lapsed donors for a postcard.” They’re thinking: “Define lapsed. Which years? Which exclusions? What fields? What format?”

When those details don’t get nailed down up front, your request sits in the queue. Or it bounces back with more questions. Or worse – it gets filled, but it’s wrong, and now you’re scrambling.

That back-and-forth burns time and goodwill. And in fundraising, timing matters.

But – there’s no judgment here. Most fundraisers aren’t trained in how to “speak database.” You know what you need, you just might not know how to say it in a way your CRM or advancement services team can use.

That’s what this post is about. Whether you’re a frontline fundraiser, a VP, or a one-person shop trying to wear all the hats – if you rely on data to do your job (and you do), you need to know how to make a clean, effective request.

​I can help you there.

Taking five extra minutes to complete a thoughtful data request could save you five days of email ping-pong – or five weeks of waiting for a fix when something gets pulled incorrectly.

And if your project is time-sensitive? It could cost you five big gifts. Or more.

Maybe a solicitation gets delayed because someone forgot to specify an exclusion. An important donor gets left out of an event invite because the list was pulled in a rush. The details matter.

You don’t have to become a database expert. But you do need to learn how to frame your request clearly. That means giving enough context for your advancement services or CRM colleagues to:

• Understand the goal
• Identify the correct records
• Exclude the ones you don’t want
• Deliver it in a useful format
• Hit your timeline without a panic button

That’s why I created a Data Request Template, and it’s all at the end of this post. But before you copy and paste, let me walk you through the thinking behind it.

Here’s what should go into every data request you make:

Date Needed
Start with the date you want to review the file. If you have a final send date – like to a printer, email platform, or gift officer – include that too. Build in review time and ask for it at least a week ahead.

Purpose
Be specific. Are you mailing a solicitation? Sending a digital campaign? Calling for event follow-up? This helps determine the right segments and delivery method.

Overview
Write two or three sentences describing the project. This gives your colleague a mental model of what you're aiming to do and why it matters.

Prior Pull
Have you asked for a similar file before? If yes, when? If it went well, that helps them repeat the success. If it didn’t, they’ll know how to make adjustments.

Report Criteria
This is where you define who should be in the file. What makes someone eligible? Think about giving history, affiliation, geography, or whatever criteria match your goal. Think of this as a net you are throwing around the prospects you want to see.

Exclusions
Who should not be in this file? Don’t assume standard exclusions. Spell them out: Deceased, Do Not Contact, Current Students, Faculty/Staff, Current Year Donors – whatever applies. Be clear. Think of this as a boundary keeping records out that you don’t want to see.

Format
Excel, CSV, PDF? Match your needs. If you’re importing into an email platform or using it for a mail merge, say so.

Fields Needed
Don’t just say “name and address.” Think through what you actually need: email, phone number, last gift date, last gift amount, salutation lines, grad year, etc. The more precise you are, the fewer follow-ups you’ll have later.

For instance, when I request a file and I want to see giving information, I ask for the file to include: last gift date, last gift amount, last gift fund, greatest gift date, greatest gift amount, greatest gift fund, and sometimes first gift date, first gift amount, and first gift fund. Sometimes I also like to see total lifetime giving and total number of lifetime gifts too. That list is a far cry from “giving history.”

Notes
If you’re estimating 5,000 records, say so. If this is part of a campaign with other moving pieces, mention that too. Context helps your colleagues prioritize and prepare. If you already have a draft of the specific message, you can attach that. Data folks love having the whole vision.

Want to copy it straight into your next email? Here’s a quick version:
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Date Needed:
Purpose:
Overview:
Prior Pull?:
Report Criteria:
Exclusions:
Format:
Fields:
Notes:

Clear requests build better relationships. When you send thoughtful, complete data requests, you become someone your CRM team can trust. And when they trust you, they’re faster. More responsive. More likely to go the extra mile when you’re in a crunch.

This isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being respectful of their time – and protecting your outcomes.

​So yes, it might take five extra minutes on the front end. But that could save you five days of delays or five missed opportunities.

And those gifts? They’re worth it.

Want smoother workflows and faster data pulls? Or just want a second set of eyes on your advancement strategy? Let’s connect.

Cheers!

P.S. Like this kind of insight?
Subscribe to Real Deal Fundraising and get my best articles, tools, and curated resources every week – including webinars, videos, and free downloads.

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