There is a moment in every donor conversation that tells you almost everything you need to know about a leader’s fundraising readiness.

It happens immediately after the ask.

You’ve prepared. You’ve built the relationship. You’ve connected the donor’s values to the work. You’ve stated the opportunity clearly and named the amount.

And then you stop talking.

That pause is not a gap.

It is the moment where partnership is either strengthened or unintentionally weakened.
​
And it is one of the hardest disciplines to master.

When I teach proposal meetings, I walk leaders carefully through the structure. Frame the impact. Name the investment. Make the invitation.

And then I say three words:

End. Pause. Listen.

That silence will feel longer than it is. It may feel like something has gone wrong. Your brain will search for ways to soften the ask, clarify the number, or add “just one more thing.”

That impulse is human. It is also the exact moment where you must manage yourself.

If you jump in and speak first, you forfeit your opportunity to hear what the donor is actually thinking. You begin responding to your own anxiety instead of their reality.
​
And anything you say in that moment is likely driven by assumption. Assumption is the enemy of clarity.

When you allow the donor to speak first, you gain something invaluable: information.

You learn whether the hesitation is about timing, amount, priorities, or something entirely different.

In major gift fundraising, it is rare to hear a definitive, final no. More often, you hear nuance. A different number, timeline, or focus. But you can only respond effectively if you actually hear it.

If you rush to fill the silence, you influence the response. You steer it. You muddy it. And then you lose the ability to diagnose what truly needs adjusting.

Fundraising, at its best, is thoughtful negotiation rooted in shared values.
​
Silence is what makes that negotiation honest.

If you are a board member sitting in the room as a peer or partner, this applies to you too.

It does not matter who delivered the ask.

Once the invitation has been made, the room belongs to the donor.

Sometimes a well-meaning board member will derail momentum by jumping in too quickly. They clarify. They soften. They add context. They attempt to “help.”

What they are often doing is relieving their own discomfort. And that discomfort can fracture the unity of the moment.

If you are present in the room, your job is to protect the pause. Let the donor speak.

Even if the silence stretches.
Even if your instinct is to rescue.
Even if you are certain you know what they are thinking.

You do not.

Only they do.

When a leadership team holds steady together, the donor experiences confidence and alignment. That steadiness builds trust. And trust deepens generosity.

Let’s name what is happening beneath the surface.

The pause feels vulnerable because you have just placed a proposal on the table. You have stated what the mission requires. You cannot control what happens next.
​
Leadership in fundraising is often about managing your internal response before managing the conversation.
​
The silence shows your composure. When you hold steady, you communicate confidence in both the mission and the donor. That confidence matters.

If you want your board to handle donor meetings well, rehearse the silence intentionally.

In practice sessions, say the ask out loud. Then count slowly to five before speaking again. Notice the urge to jump in. Let it pass.

The more you rehearse the silence, the less your body treats it like a threat. The more familiar silence becomes in rehearsal, the less intimidating it feels in real conversations.

​Listening is not passive. It is disciplined presence.

Fundraising is about alignment, not about winning.

When you ask and then truly listen, you communicate respect. You give the donor room to process and respond honestly. Respect builds trust. And trust is what sustains generosity long after a single gift is made.

​Silence, handled well, strengthens the partnership.

If you would like help scripting and rehearsing donor conversations so your board feels steady and prepared in the room, let’s talk.

Book a complimentary Board Fundraising Alignment Call and we'll work through proposal meeting strategy together.

The pause will always feel longer than it is. Hold it anyway.

​That quiet space is often where generosity begins.

Cheers!

P.S. This post is part of an ongoing series for nonprofit leaders and Board Chairs who want to build confident, fundraising-positive boards.
​
If this conversation is resonating, I invite you to subscribe so you don’t miss the next installment. My goal is to give you practical tools you can use at your next board meeting. Each piece builds on the last, and together they form a practical roadmap for strengthening fundraising culture at the leadership level.

If you liked this…

• Authenticity and Vulnerability: Why Alignment Changes Everything
• Asking Is Only 5%: Why Your Board Is Afraid of the Wrong Thing
• Fundraising is a Noble Endeavor: Why Board Beliefs Drive Revenue (Or Lack Thereof)
• The 3 Rs of Fundraising Mindset: What It Really Takes to Talk About Money
• Rack Up Your Nos: Why Rejection Is a Fundraiser’s Secret Weapon

I open my board fundraising workshops with this quote from Brené Brown:

"Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it's having the courage to show up when you can't control the outcome."

Every time I share it, I watch the room shift just slightly.

Because fundraising is exactly that.

It is showing up when you cannot control the outcome.

You cannot control whether the donor says yes or the timing of their decision or what is happening in their financial world that day.

You can only control how you show up.
​
And how you show up begins with authenticity.

When any nonprofit leader makes an ask, they are not simply delivering information. They are putting belief on display.

They are saying, in effect: I believe this work matters. I believe it deserves to grow. I believe it is worthy of investment.

There is exposure in that moment.

If you are not fully aligned with the mission, that exposure feels risky. You may hedge your language. You may soften the request. You may speak in generalities instead of conviction.

Donors can feel that.

They may not articulate it, but they sense when someone is reciting talking points versus speaking from lived belief.

Years ago, I worked for a leader who has raised billions of dollars in his career. At one point he told me he could never work for a university he did not attend.

At first, I thought that was unnecessarily restrictive. Surely skill and strategy are transferable.

It took me years to understand what he meant.

He was talking about authenticity.

Because he had personally benefited from the kind of institution he represented, he never had to manufacture enthusiasm. He never had to convince himself the mission mattered. He had lived it.

When he spoke about scholarships or research or student opportunity, he was not delivering a pitch. He was telling the truth.

That alignment reduced vulnerability. It strengthened confidence.

You do not have to draw your lines as narrowly as he did. You do not have to be an alum, a former client, or a beneficiary to serve with integrity.

But you do need to ask yourself a harder question:

Am I fully aligned with this mission?

Not casually supportive. Not intellectually persuaded.
​
Aligned.

Boards often assume confidence in fundraising comes from mastering scripts or memorizing the right phrasing. Those tools help. Preparation matters.

But true confidence comes from congruence. And for a nonprofit CEO or Board Chair, that congruence is not just a personal asset. It shapes the entire culture around you.

When your values and the organization's mission match, your voice steadies. You are not performing. You are advocating. You can speak honestly about the need, describe the vision without exaggeration, make a clear request, and then sit quietly, trusting the process.

That steadiness is contagious.

Fundraising also requires you to say, "This is what it will take," without knowing how the story ends. That is vulnerable. But it is also powerful.

When leaders are transparent about where the organization stands, clear about where it is going, and honest about what is required, donors feel respected. They feel invited into something real, not manufactured.

If leadership approaches fundraising as an uncomfortable obligation, the board will treat it that way. If leadership approaches fundraising as an expression of mission, the board will begin to see it that way too.

Tone travels.
​
You cannot control the outcome. You can control your integrity. And integrity builds trust faster than polish ever will.

If you want to strengthen authenticity in your fundraising culture, begin here:

• Why does this mission matter to me personally?
• Where have I seen its impact?
• What values does it reflect in my own life?
• Would I invest in this organization if I were not in this role?

Write the answers down. Not for publication. For your personal clarity.

When you take the time to articulate your connection to the mission, your fundraising voice becomes clearer. Your language becomes simpler. Your conviction becomes visible.

And when that conviction is visible, it gives your board permission to show up the same way. Not performatively. Sincerely.

Vulnerability, as Brené Brown reminds us, is about showing up when you cannot control the outcome. Fundraising will always require that.

​When it is rooted in alignment, it feels less like exposure and more like leadership.

Fundraising culture starts at the top. When the CEO and Board Chair are aligned, that clarity travels. When they're not, the whole team feels it.

If you want to examine how leadership alignment is shaping your board's engagement in fundraising, a complimentary Board Fundraising Alignment Call is a good place to start. We'll look honestly at where things stand and identify practical next steps to build the kind of confidence that carries through your whole organization.

Fundraising does not require perfection.

It requires alignment.
​
And when that alignment is present, generosity follows.

Cheers!

P.S. This post is part of an ongoing series for nonprofit CEOs and Board Chairs who want to build confident, fundraising-positive boards.

If this conversation is resonating, I invite you to subscribe so you don’t miss the next installment. My goal is to give you practical tools you can use at your next board meeting. Each piece builds on the last, and together they form a practical roadmap for strengthening fundraising culture at the leadership level. Next week’s piece tackles one of the most misunderstood parts of board fundraising.

If you liked this…

• Asking Is Only 5%: Why Your Board Is Afraid of the Wrong Thing
• Fundraising is a Noble Endeavor: Why Board Beliefs Drive Revenue (Or Lack Thereof)
• The 3 Rs of Fundraising Mindset: What It Really Takes to Talk About Money
• Rack Up Your Nos: Why Rejection Is a Fundraiser’s Secret Weapon
• Rethinking Board Recruitment: The 4 Ws That Really Matter

If you want to stall board fundraising quickly, here’s one way to do it:

Tell every board member they need to go ask wealthy people for money.

Now, let me say this clearly. Peer-to-peer asking is powerful. When a board member is willing to sit across from a donor and make a confident, values-aligned request, it can move mountains.

But that is not the only way a board fuels the mission.

And when we reduce board engagement to “who’s going to ask,” we miss the bigger picture.

Fundraising is a team sport. And every board member can play a meaningful role in generating resources.

The key is helping them understand how they are wired to contribute.

I call this finding your Fundraising Avatar.

Superpower: Connections

What you do: You introduce new people to the organization. Friends. Colleagues. Neighbors. Community contacts. You think about who should know about this mission and help make that first connection.

You are not necessarily leading the ask. You are expanding the circle.

Ask yourself: Do I know someone who needs to hear about this work?

Connects to: the Identification stage of the Donor Cycle
​
Without new relationships entering the pipeline, the donor cycle stalls. The Door Opener keeps it moving.

Superpower: Messaging

What you do: You are comfortable speaking about the mission in public or professional settings. Rotary. Chamber events. Networking spaces. You always have a solid elevator pitch ready.

You normalize talking about the organization. You raise visibility. You shape perception.

Ask yourself: Do I find myself naturally talking about this organization in my circles? 

Connects to: the Identification stage of the Donor Cycle. 

​Awareness fuels identification. Identification fuels qualification. The PR Guru strengthens the very top of the funnel.

Superpower: Appreciation

What you do: You help donors feel valued. You volunteer for thank-you calls. You write handwritten notes. You follow up after events to express genuine appreciation.

You understand that stewardship is not an afterthought. It is a growth strategy.

Ask yourself: Do I enjoy making people feel seen and appreciated?

Connects to: the Stewardship stage of the Donor Cycle

Retention is built on gratitude. Loyalty is built on recognition. This role directly impacts long-term sustainability.

​Superpower: Planning and Analysis

What you do: You think through strategy. You review donor lists. You assess return on investment. You brainstorm next steps. You ask smart, clarifying questions that make the team sharper.

In short, you enjoy connecting dots.

Ask yourself: Do I enjoy solving puzzles or making plans that lead to results?

Connects to: the Qualification, Cultivation, and Re-engagement stages of the Donor Cycle

Fundraising needs architects as much as ambassadors. The Strategic Brain strengthens systems and improves decision-making.

Superpower: Leading by Example

What you do: You invest personally. Quietly and consistently. Your giving sets the tone for the rest of the board. You demonstrate commitment without needing the spotlight.

You understand that credibility begins at the board table.

Ask yourself: Am I willing to be one of the first to give and show others this mission is worth it?

Connects to: all phases of the Donor Cycle

When board members give first, external fundraising becomes stronger and more authentic.

Superpower: Steady Execution

What you do: You say, “Just tell me what needs doing.”

You research grant leads. You gather data. You review donor lists. You help prep materials. You cross items off the list that keep campaigns moving forward.

You make progress happen, one action at a time.

Ask yourself: Do I feel most helpful when I’m chipping away at concrete tasks behind the scenes?
​
Connects to: all phases of the Donor Cycle

Momentum depends on execution. This role keeps energy from dissipating.

When board members feel boxed into a single version of fundraising, they resist.

When they see multiple meaningful pathways to contribute, they lean in.

Role clarity reduces anxiety. It replaces vague expectations with concrete action.

Over time, confidence builds.

• The Door Opener might eventually co-solicit.
• The Gratitude Leader might join a donor visit.
• The Task Tackler might take on campaign leadership.

But growth begins with alignment.

As a CEO or Board Chair, your responsibility is not to pressure uniform behavior. It is to build a coordinated system where different strengths work together toward shared goals.
​
That is how boards move from passive oversight to active partnership.

If this framework resonates with you, the next step is figuring out how to apply it to the specific personalities sitting around your board table.

Every board has a different mix of strengths. The real opportunity is aligning those strengths with the donor cycle so people know exactly how they can contribute.

That is exactly what we do in a complimentary Board Fundraising Alignment Call.

During the conversation, we will:

• Identify the fundraising avatars present on your board
• Map those strengths to real fundraising activity
• Clarify realistic expectations for board engagement
• Outline practical next steps your team can implement right away

If that sounds helpful, you can reserve a time for a Board Fundraising Alignment Call and we will talk through your situation together.

Fundraising is not powered by a few heroic asks.

It grows through consistent participation from people who understand how they contribute.

Helping boards discover that alignment is where the real momentum begins.
​
Cheers!

P.S. This post is part of an ongoing series for nonprofit CEOs and Board Chairs who want to build confident, fundraising-positive boards.
​
If this conversation is resonating, I invite you to subscribe so you don’t miss the next installment. My goal is to give you practical tools you can use at your next board meeting. Each piece builds on the last, and together they form a practical roadmap for strengthening fundraising culture at the leadership level. Next week’s piece tackles one of the most important parts of board fundraising.

If you liked this…

• Separate Your Emotions from Other People’s Money
• Rack Up Your Nos: Why Rejection Is a Fundraiser’s Secret Weapon
• Asking Is Only 5%: Why Your Board Is Afraid of the Wrong Thing
• Fundraising is a Noble Endeavor: Why Board Beliefs Drive Revenue (Or Lack Thereof)
• The 3 Rs of Fundraising Mindset: What It Really Takes to Talk About Money

The Donor Cycle is one of the most grounding frameworks in fundraising. It gives structure to something that can otherwise feel mysterious or intimidating.

One graph I love shows the percentages that fundraisers stay in each stage. Notice how small the solicitation slice is (green) compared to cultivation and stewardship (pink and grey).
​
And almost without fail, when I put this chart up on the screen, I see shoulders relax.

Because most of the anxiety around fundraising comes down to one moment.

The moment when someone has to open their mouth and ask.

Of course, boards fixate on the ask. It feels exposed, vulnerable and high-stakes. I understand that fear. Asking requires courage, clarity, and the willingness to hear “no.”

And it is absolutely essential.

But here is the truth that surprises nearly everyone:

Asking is only 5% of the donor cycle.

Five percent.
​
That slice is much smaller than most board members imagine. And when leadership and boards misunderstand that, they either avoid fundraising entirely or approach it with unnecessary tension.

The donor cycle is simply a way of visualizing and systematizing how philanthropic relationships grow over time.

It begins with Identification. This is where you clarify who is most likely to care and most able to invest.

Next comes Qualification. After meeting potential supporters, you determine whether there is genuine alignment and readiness.

Then we move into Cultivation. I often call this “platonic dating.” This is relationship-building without pressure. You meet for coffee. You invite them to events. You share impact stories. You listen. You learn what matters to them. You help them understand the mission more deeply.

Cultivation is where trust is built.

After cultivation comes Solicitation, the Ask. This is where you make a direct request for a gift. The key is values alignment. The request reflects the relationship that has already been built.

Then comes Stewardship, or what I like to call “Thank and Recognize.” You celebrate shared impact. You communicate clearly about results. You express sincere gratitude.

Finally, you re-engage. You begin the cultivation process again, deepening the relationship over time.

When you look at how time is actually distributed across this cycle, about 80% of it is spent in cultivation and stewardship. Relationship-building and gratitude.

Asking? Five percent.

It is not the everyday.
​
It is an inflection point.

One of my former bosses is a minister. When I first walked her through the donor cycle and showed her that asking represented such a small portion of the overall process, she was visibly relieved.

She had a significant ask coming up with a donor we had spent considerable time cultivating. We had met with this donor multiple times. We understood her interests. She understood our vision. There was genuine trust in the relationship.

We practiced the ask beforehand. We went into the meeting prepared. That preparation eased some of her anxiety.

Afterward, she could not stop talking about how organic and authentic it felt. Of course, it felt that way. The relationship had already been built. The ask was simply the next logical step in a shared conversation. And yes, it was successful.
​
That is how fundraising should feel. Relationship first.

Board members often imagine fundraising as a constant state of asking. As if they will be pressured to request money in every conversation.

That is not how healthy fundraising works.

Healthy fundraising looks like:

• Listening carefully
• Sharing stories of impact
• Connecting mission to values
• Expressing gratitude
• Deepening trust

Then, at the right moment, calling the question.

You do have to call the question. That step is essential. You do have to follow up appropriately and secure an answer. Fundraising is not passive.

But when you understand that the ask sits within a much larger relational framework, it becomes far less intimidating.
​
It becomes purposeful. Graceful. Aligned.

If your board is anxious about fundraising, start by teaching the donor cycle.

Help them see that asking is not a daily burden. It is a small, strategic part of a much larger relationship-building process.

Invite them into cultivation. Encourage thank-you calls. Create opportunities for shared impact stories. Let them experience the joy of stewardship.

When board members realize that most of fundraising is about connection and gratitude, something shifts.

The ask stops feeling like a cliff.

It starts feeling like a bridge.
​
And bridges are meant to be crossed.

If your board feels stuck at the word “ask,” let’s unpack that together.

In 30 minutes, we’ll pinpoint where fear is creeping in and outline a clear path to board confidence. I’m opening three complimentary Board Fundraising Alignment Calls this month. You can reserve a time here.

Fundraising is consistent relationship building, not constant asking.

And when you understand that, the entire experience becomes lighter, clearer, and far more effective.

Cheers!

P.S. This post is the first part of an ongoing series for nonprofit CEOs and Board Chairs who want to build confident, fundraising-positive boards.

If this conversation is resonating, I invite you to subscribe so you don’t miss the next installment. My goal is to give you practical tools you can use at your next board meeting. Each piece builds on the last, and together they form a practical roadmap for strengthening fundraising culture at the leadership level.

If you liked this… 

• Fundraising is a Noble Endeavor: Why Board Beliefs Drive Revenue (Or Lack Thereof)
• Your Board Wants to Help with Fundraising – They Just Don’t Know How
• Rethinking Board Recruitment: The 4 Ws That Really Matter
• Culture of Philanthropy Check-Up
• The 3 Rs of Fundraising Mindset: What It Really Takes to Talk About Money

I want to begin with a statement that may feel simple, but it carries more weight than most boards realize:
​
Fundraising is a noble endeavor.

If you are a nonprofit CEO or Board Chair, your internal reaction to that sentence matters. It shapes how you speak about fundraising. It influences how your board experiences it. It quietly determines whether your culture approaches fundraising with confidence or hesitation.

Belief comes first. Always.

This is where we must be honest with ourselves.

You either believe deeply in your mission, or you don’t.

If you believe your organization changes lives, strengthens families, advances justice, expands education, heals, protects, or restores something that matters, then you already know the work deserves resources. You know it deserves to grow. You know it deserves to be sustained for the long term.

If that belief is strong, you can work through discomfort around money. You can practice the language of invitation. You can sit in a donor meeting and speak clearly about funding needs.

If that belief is shaky, fundraising will always feel heavy. You will delay conversations. You will hedge language. You will hope someone else handles the “hard part.”

If leadership belief wavers, board engagement follows, donor conversations shrink, and revenue eventually reflects that hesitation.
​
Belief is not emotional fluff. It is operational fuel.

Early in my career, I worked in political fundraising. I was taught that fear and guilt were powerful motivators. Create urgency. Highlight threats. Push emotional buttons.

And it worked, at least in the short term.

Later, when I returned to my alma mater, I began raising money for education. Our beloved president emeritus who led the university through decades of growth, Aubrey K. Lucas, met with the new development officers. He shared something that stayed with me.

Negative fundraising is rarely truly successful.

We were raising money for education. Education is a universal good. It is something to be proud of. That effort should not be rooted in pressure or fear. It should be rooted in conviction.

That conversation reframed my entire understanding of fundraising.

If education is good, then raising resources for education is good.

If your mission serves a real human need, then securing funding for that mission is honorable work.

That realization has guided my work ever since.

When board members hesitate, the hesitation is rarely about the mission. It is about money.

Money carries history. It carries stories. It carries personal experiences that shape how we feel when we talk about it. But giving is not really about money.

Giving is about shared vision and shared values.

When a donor gives, they are not simply transferring dollars. They are aligning themselves with a cause they believe matters. They are choosing to participate in change. They are saying, “I see this work, and I want to be part of it.”

Money is simply the mechanism that allows that alignment to take tangible form.

When you internalize this truth, something shifts in your posture. You stop speaking about fundraising as if it is separate from the mission. You recognize that it is the engine that fuels the mission.

And that changes your tone.

Culture does not begin in the development office. It begins in the boardroom.

If you speak about fundraising as an obligation, your board will experience it as a burden.

If you treat fundraising as something uncomfortable that must be endured, your board will mirror that discomfort.

But if you speak about fundraising as mission work, as advocacy, as an opportunity to invite others into meaningful impact, your board will feel that shift.

You do not have to eliminate all discomfort. Most of us were not raised discussing money openly. That hesitation is normal, but how you frame the work matters.

When you believe fundraising is noble, you approach it with clarity. You talk about funding needs without apology. You connect dollars to outcomes without shrinking your language. You model confidence.
​
Boards take their cues from leadership. If you approach fundraising with pride and purpose, your board has permission to do the same.

If your board is reluctant, start here. When was the last time your board discussed fundraising as shared leadership responsibility rather than an agenda item?

Have an honest conversation about why your mission matters. Revisit the lives changed. Revisit the transformation you are pursuing. Revisit the gap between where you are and where you need to be.

Then ask this question: If this work truly matters, why would we hesitate to invite others to fund it?

When that belief becomes shared, fundraising stops feeling transactional. It begins to feel aligned.
​
And alignment is powerful.

If any of this sounds familiar:

• Your board supports the mission but avoids fundraising conversations.
• You feel like you’re carrying development alone.
• Giving is flat and no one wants to address it directly.
• Board members say yes to serving but hesitate to ask.

It’s time to take a serious look at whether your board’s leadership tone and fundraising expectations are truly aligned. If fundraising feels like a source of stress rather than shared responsibility, this is the work that shifts it.

I’m opening three complimentary Board Fundraising Alignment Calls this month. You can reserve a time here.

P.S. This post is the first part of an ongoing series for nonprofit CEOs and Board Chairs who want to build confident, fundraising-positive boards.

If this conversation is resonating, I invite you to subscribe so you don’t miss the next installment. Each piece builds on the last, and together they form a practical roadmap for strengthening fundraising culture at the leadership level.

If you liked this…

• Your Board Wants to Help with Fundraising – They Just Don’t Know How
• Rethinking Board Recruitment: The 4 Ws That Really Matter
• Culture of Philanthropy Check-Up
• The Magic Formula for Making a Confident Fundraising Ask
• The 3 Rs of Fundraising Mindset: What It Really Takes to Talk About Money

 Back in 2007, I was prepping for a presentation to my peers – young professionals like me, running fundraising call centers across the country. We were mostly in our 20s, ambitious, a little scrappy, and working in a company culture that leaned casual.

I was thinking about wearing a skirt suit. It felt like the right thing for the moment. But I was second-guessing it hard.

What if they thought I was stuck up? Or trying too hard? Or trying to be something I wasn’t?

I asked my husband what he thought.

He said, “Wear the suit.”

I explained the whole situation again, sure he didn’t get it.

He said again, “Wear. The. Suit.”

By the third time, I was exasperated.

That’s when he clarified: “If you’re going to wear the suit, wear the suit... Stand in it. Own it. Don’t apologize for it. You’re stepping into the authority you already have – but you’ve got to embody it. If you do that, what anyone else thinks won’t matter.”

That moment stuck.

​Because it was never about the suit. It was about how I carried myself in the suit.

You can’t control how other people read you. But you can decide how you show up.

You can choose to walk into the room with the posture, presence, and clarity of someone who belongs there. You can lead – even when you're still growing.

So whatever your “suit” is – your outfit, your opening line, your tone – don’t just put it on.

Wear it.

Let’s bring it into your world:
What’s your version of “the suit”? That thing that helps you stand taller and lead stronger when it counts?

Drop it in the comments – I’d love to hear what helps you show up with presence.

Cheers!

​Jessica

P.S. Like this kind of insight? Subscribe to Real Deal Fundraising and get my best articles, tools, and curated resources every week – including webinars, videos, and free downloads.

If you liked this…

• 21 Ways to Alleviate Impostor Syndrome
• The Responsibility Calendar: The Best Way to Reach Your Fundraising Goals
• The CFRE Credential
• How to Spot (and Stop) Fundraiser Burnout
• The Main Thing . . . My Fundraising Mantra

Starting a nonprofit can feel like launching a rocket with duct tape and a dream. You’ve got passion, vision, and maybe a few donors – but not nearly enough resources. So when someone offers to help with fundraising in exchange for a cut of the money raised, it might feel like a godsend.

It’s not.

(Sorry, I didn’t do that justice. Let me try again.)

IT’S NOTTTTTT!!!!

Commission-based fundraising is one of the first ethical missteps many new nonprofits make – and not because they’re careless. It’s because they don’t know any better. Meanwhile, there are companies that do know better – and they prey on organizations still trying to find their footing.
​
Let’s talk about why commission-based fundraising is a problem, the myths that keep it going, and what to do instead.

Commission-based pay structures – where fundraisers receive a percentage of what they raise – are widely considered unethical in the nonprofit sector.

Not because it’s illegal. It’s not. The IRS doesn’t prohibit it. But that’s not the bar you want to be setting for your organization.

Professional groups like the Association of Fundraising Professionals (AFP) have long held that this practice crosses ethical lines. Here’s why:

• It creates a conflict of interest. Tying compensation to gift size can push fundraisers to pressure donors or overpromise – damaging trust along the way.
• It hurts donor relationships. If a donor thinks your gift officer’s paycheck depends on their generosity, that can leave a bad taste and end future giving.
• It turns fundraising into a transaction. This work is about partnership, not procurement. Your mission isn’t for sale.

I see this come up all the time in social media groups for nonprofit founders. At least once a month, someone will ask, “Is commission-based fundraising okay?” They’re just trying to figure out how to move forward with no staff and limited funds.

And every time, like clockwork, commission-based fundraising companies show up in the comments to say, “It’s totally fine!” and there I am, in the replies, trying to explain why it’s not fine.
​
I’m not trying to be the fun police. I’ve just seen how this plays out – and it’s never pretty. New nonprofits deserve better than shortcuts that backfire.

Let’s tackle some of the most common counterpoints I hear – because these arguments pop up over and over again:

💬 “Isn’t salary technically paid from money raised? So what’s the difference?”
Yes, most nonprofit salaries come from donated funds. The difference is in structure. A salary pays for a fundraiser’s time, experience, and judgment. It’s not tied to the outcome of a specific gift. That distinction matters – because it keeps the motivation focused on relationships, not revenue.

💬 “There’s no law against it, so it must be fine.”
Ethics and legality aren’t the same thing. Just because something’s allowed doesn’t make it wise – or aligned with best practices. Commission-based fundraising can hurt your credibility with savvy donors who know the difference.
​
💬 “We can’t afford a salary. Commission is all we can offer.”
This is the one that really pulls at the heart. I get it. But commission isn’t your only option. If you don’t have funds to hire someone, try this instead:

• Lean on your board. A strong fundraising board isn’t just for show. These folks should give and help you find new supporters.
• Recruit mission-aligned volunteers. People who believe in your work and have strong networks can be powerful early advocates.
• Learn the craft yourself. Fundraising is about building trust. You don’t need to know everything today – you just need to start showing up.

Outsourcing might sound like a great fix, especially when you’re wearing every hat. And there are reputable consultants who can teach and guide. But outsourcing your entire fundraising operation – especially donor relationships – is risky business.

Here’s what you give up when you hand it all off:

• Authentic connection. Donors give to people, not platforms. If someone else is forming the relationship, they’re the one who earns the trust.
• Control of your message. You need to know what your donors are hearing and how they’re being treated.
• Your own learning curve. Early fundraising is messy. But that mess teaches you what works – and what doesn’t. You don’t want to miss those lessons.

​
Fundraising isn’t something to delegate away. It’s a core part of your leadership role.

If you’re building a nonprofit from scratch, start here:

✅ Build a fundraising board.
Don’t settle for warm bodies. Find people who will give, ask, and connect you with others who care.

✅ Invest your time in relationships.
Whether someone gives $10 or $10,000, treat them like a partner in your mission. Show up. Say thank you. Follow up. Every relationship counts.

✅ Start small and grow with purpose.
You don’t need a six-figure campaign to begin. Start where you are, stay consistent, and build momentum step by step.
​
✅ Find a mentor – not a miracle.
Look for people who will teach you, not sell you. A good advisor will build your capacity – not just close deals.

Commission-based fundraising isn’t just an ethics issue – it’s a growth issue. It can derail donor trust, distract you from mission work, and create headaches you don’t need.

Starting a nonprofit is brave work. And it takes guts to say no to the fast and easy path when you’re feeling the pressure to raise money quickly.

But there is a way to fundraise with integrity. It starts with doing the work yourself, building trust one conversation at a time, and keeping your eyes on the long game.

You don’t have to build your mission alone.

But you do have to build it right.

And you will.
​
Cheers!

P.S. Like this kind of insight?
Subscribe to Real Deal Fundraising and get my best articles, tools, and curated resources every week – including webinars, videos, and free downloads.

If you liked this… 

• Why Nonprofits Can’t Afford to Sleep on IRA Rollovers
• Cut Through the Clutter: Focus on the Two Planned Giving Options That Really Work
• Your Board Wants to Help with Fundraising – They Just Don’t Know How
• How to Build a Philanthropy Calendar That Drives Digital Donations
• Spring Cleaning for Fundraisers: Organizing Planned Giving Documentation

When I ask a nonprofit leader what they’re looking for in a new board member, I often hear one of three things:
​
“We need someone with deep pockets.”
“We need someone who knows people.”
“We just need someone who will actually show up and help.”

That’s where the old 3 Ws model comes from: Wealth, Window Dressing, and Worker Bee.

(Quick note: I didn’t come up with those labels – and they’re not meant to be demeaning. These short-hand categories have been floating around the nonprofit world for decades because they’re easy to remember and speak to the roles board members often play.)

But that “Worker Bee” bucket? It was doing too much. There’s a big difference between someone who’s eager to help and someone who brings a specific, strategic skill set that your organization really needs.
So I’ve updated the model. Here’s what I use now:

1. Wealth
Financial capacity and willingness to give meaningfully. These board members lead with their giving and help bring others to the table.

2. Window Dressing
These members come with name recognition, public credibility, or powerful networks. And let’s be clear: this isn’t fluff. Think of actual window dressing – it draws people in. Visibility, reputation, and access to new audiences can absolutely drive momentum, when paired with authentic engagement.

3. Willing Hands
These are the doers. They show up, roll up their sleeves, make thank-you calls, stuff envelopes, and volunteer at events. Their time and energy are often the engine behind day-to-day progress.

4. Wisdom
These folks bring specific expertise – finance, legal, marketing, investments, HR, governance, DEI. They help your organization make informed, strategic decisions.

​You can picture this concept as a four-part Venn diagram – each W intersecting with the others. The center is where your dream board prospects live: those rare folks who bring all four.

In real-world board recruitment, it can help to ditch the diagram and move to a simple grid.

A spreadsheet like the one below makes it easier to evaluate prospective members based on the categories they fulfill – and shows where you’re strong or where you need to recruit intentionally.
​​
Each person is evaluated on whether they bring one, two, three, or all four of the Ws. Then you can sort, filter, and prioritize your outreach.

Build a board full of people who bring at least two of these categories – and who align with your mission and values. Look for overlaps. The magic is in the mix.

And don’t leave this work to the board alone.

Your fundraising staff and executive leadership need to be working hand-in-hand with the nominating committee – from the very beginning. They know the needs, they understand the gaps, and they’ll be the ones partnering with these new board members down the road.

When you use the 4 Ws to guide your recruitment, you’re not just filling seats. You’re building something durable, strategic, and deeply aligned with your mission.

P.S. Want to take the first step?
Grab my free Board Fundraising Menu –  a customizable and printable tool that helps your board members choose where and how they can plug into fundraising. It’s clear, easy, and surprisingly motivating.

Cheers!

PS - I hope you’ll continue the conversation by subscribing to Real Deal Fundraising. When you subscribe, you’ll get my e-newsletter, which includes the best articles on fundraising, productivity, and cool stuff every week. The whole thing is curated awesomeness as well as freebies like webinars, instructional videos, and whatever else I can put together to be helpful to you!

If you liked this…

• Why Most Fundraising Plans Fail
• The Magic Formula for Making a Confident Fundraising Ask
• Your Board Wants to Help with Fundraising – They Just Don’t Know How
• Discovery Visits Demystified
• What to Say to Donors in Uncertain Times

A few years back, I worked with a team that was stuck in microwave fundraising mode. If there was a quick-cash tactic out there, they were doing it: golf tournaments, raffles, sponsorship deals heavy on the benefits, you name it. It kept the lights on, but it wasn’t building anything lasting. I gave a presentation about crockpot fundraising – relationship-building, long-term strategy, donor engagement – and it started to click. I wanted to challenge them to try something new and to move out of their "microwave" comfort zone. I promised them that if they could do that, it would pay dividends down the line and make fundraising easier and more enjoyable.

I've been in rooms full of nonprofit leaders who are scrambling to make payroll, stressed over budget gaps, or just plain overwhelmed by the pressure to "do more with less." And in those moments, it's tempting to reach for the quick fix – a car wash, a 5K, a golf tournament, a donut sale, a last-minute sponsorship deal. These microwave fundraising tactics can bring in a little fast cash, and I won't pretend they never have a place. But let's be honest: they're not going to carry your mission for the long haul.

Microwave fundraising is all about urgency. It's transactional. It gets warm fast, but it cools off just as quickly. These events are often labor-intensive, draining your staff and volunteers. The ROI is usually modest. They’re familiar, easy to organize, and feel reliable. But they’re not always the healthiest choice for your organization. They only feed a few folks, and they don’t build connection to your mission or long-term sustainability.
​
Here's a side-by-side breakdown that captures the heart of the metaphor:

Caption: Microwave vs. Crockpot Fundraising: A visual comparison of quick, transactional tactics vs. slow, relationship-centered strategies.

Then there's crockpot fundraising. It takes longer to get cooking, no doubt. And yes, there’s a learning curve. But it’s healthier for your mission in the long run. These strategies usually involve more “vegetables” – meaning thoughtful, nourishing activities like donor conversations, stewardship touches, and consistent storytelling. It takes time. You can’t flip a switch and expect results tomorrow. But when you commit to it – when you really let it simmer – the flavor builds. The connections deepen. The nourishment multiplies.

Crockpot fundraising feeds a crowd. You’re not just generating one-time gifts – you’re building community. It’s transformational. It deepens loyalty. It keeps donors connected to the mission. It gives your work staying power.

It means investing in consistent donor communications, one-on-one conversations, thank-you calls, stewardship, and strategic asks. First-time donors become recurring givers. Recurring givers become advocates. Advocates become legacy donors.

Is it slower? Yes. But it is sustainable. It doesn’t burn you out or box your organization into lopsided agreements just to chase a check. It feeds your mission in a way that microwave tactics never will. It keeps your team grounded and your donors inspired.

So when you're weighing your next move, ask yourself: Are we microwaving or crockpotting this? One will keep you hustling for scraps. The other will feed your mission for years to come.

Let it simmer. You'll be glad you did.
​
Cheers!

​PS - I hope you’ll continue the conversation by subscribing to Real Deal Fundraising. When you subscribe, you’ll get my e-newsletter, which includes the best articles on fundraising, productivity, and cool stuff every week. The whole thing is curated awesomeness as well as freebies like webinars, instructional videos, and whatever else I can put together to be helpful to you!

If you liked this…

• Why Most Fundraising Plans Fail
• Your Board Wants to Help with Fundraising – They Just Don’t Know How
• Don’t Add Another Event Until You Read This
• The Problem with Totes and T-Shirts: Why Freebies Can Undermine Fundraising
• Beautiful on a Budget: How to Design Stunning Fundraising Event Decor for $250 or Less

In a few days, I’m heading out of the country with my family. No laptop. No inbox. No quick peeks at work in the evenings. Just real, present time with the people I love most. (Peep the picture above of my kids in their first Uber ride last week.) 😊

We recently had one of those “now or never” conversations. Our kids are growing up fast, and we realized that if we didn’t start making international travel part of our family story, we might miss the chance. I want them to see the world – to experience other ways of being, other values, other rhythms of life. I want them to be citizens of the world, not just the United States.

So we’re going. And I’m letting myself go all in.

Here’s the truth: I’m not stepping away from work despite being a fundraiser. I’m doing it because I am.
Fundraising is heart work. It’s personal, demanding, often overwhelming. That passion can make rest feel like a luxury – something we have to earn or squeeze in around the edges. That shows up across the sector: data from January 2025 show that nonprofit workers leave more unused PTO than all industries except government.

But rest isn’t a luxury. It’s part of the job.

I’ve shared before why self-care for nonprofit fundraisers matters – and not just for bubble baths, but for building real boundaries and intention. I’ve also explored burnout in our profession and how it quietly silences the best of us.

Taking breaks gives us perspective. It reconnects us with our “why.” It lets us return creative, grounded, and ready. When leaders model this, they build a culture that values people – not just productivity.

If you’ve delayed that vacation or pushed through burnout thinking your mission can’t wait: the work will be here when you get back. And you’ll be better for having stepped away.

I’ll be off until mid-July. I hope you find your own window to rest, recharge, and remember who you are outside the job.

You deserve it. And the people you serve deserve the best version of you – not someone running on fumes.

Cheers!

P.S. Don’t worry – while I’m away, I’ve scheduled fresh content to post on my TikTok, LinkedIn, Instagram, YouTube, and Bluesky. So if you need encouragement or inspiration, it’ll be waiting for you.

PPS - I hope you’ll continue the conversation by subscribing to Real Deal Fundraising. When you subscribe, you’ll get my e-newsletter, which includes the best articles on fundraising, productivity, and cool stuff every week. The whole thing is curated awesomeness as well as freebies like webinars, instructional videos, and whatever else I can put together to be helpful to you!

If you liked this…

• Why Most Fundraising Plans Fail
• Self-Care for Nonprofit Pros
• Climbing Out of Burnout
• How to Spot and Stop Fundraising Burnout and Turnover
• Discovery Visits Demystified