What Do I Even Say to That? How to Handle Donor Curveballs with Confidence

What Do I Even Say to That? How to Handle Donor Curveballs with Confidence

In fundraising, we’ve spent decades perfecting donor-centered language – polished, warm, affirming. And there’s value in that. But as we lean further into equity, honesty, and shared power, we’re realizing something: partnership requires candor. Community centric fundraising built on that sort of trusting partnership is the future.

You can’t build trust on flattery. You build it on clarity.

That’s what my new resource is really about. It’s not a script. It’s not a list of ways to smooth over discomfort. It’s a toolkit for having honest conversations with donors – without losing connection, mission, or respect.

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been asked this question: "What do I even say when a donor asks [fill in the awkward, unexpected, or slightly skeptical question here]?"

If you’ve worked in fundraising for more than five minutes, you’ve felt that moment. Someone hits you with a curveball – maybe it’s well-intentioned, maybe it’s a little tense – and suddenly your mind goes blank. You want to respond with confidence and kindness, but your brain’s still trying to find the first word.

That’s why I created The Real Deal Fundraiser’s Quick Guide to Donor Questions.

It’s a free resource packed with clear, kind, mission-centered answers to the questions we all get asked – and sometimes dread. Whether it’s “Why do you need my gift if you already got a big one from [another donor]?” or “Can I trust you’ll use my money wisely?”, this guide helps you find your footing and keep the conversation moving in the right direction.

DOWNLOAD THE FREE GUIDE NOW

the framework that grounds it all

Underneath it all is a simple framework I first learned in phonathon and have used ever since:

Listen. Acknowledge. Support. Continue.
It’s not a script – it’s a mindset. And it works.

• Listen – Really listen. Not just to the words, but to the tone and subtext.
  If someone says “I’m retired,” don’t assume what that means. Are they joyfully gardening between river cruises, or feeling anxious on a fixed income? Same phrase, very different needs.
• Acknowledge – Show them they’ve been heard.
  “Sounds like you’ve had a big transition recently,” or “You’ve earned some rest after working hard for so long.”
• Support – Make your case with warmth and clarity.
  “We have donors in all life stages who support the mission in different ways.”
• Continue – Bring it back to the goal of the conversation.
  “I know you really care about [cause/mission]. We’d love to have you involved in a way that works for you – let’s discuss some options.” Then offer monthly giving, IRA Rollover gifts, etc.

This isn’t about avoiding tough topics. It’s about having the tools to meet them head-on – with empathy, strategy, and the kind of language that invites real partnership. Here’s an another example:

Donor: “What percentage of my gift actually goes to the mission?”

You: "Totally fair question. 100% of your gift supports our mission. That includes the people, infrastructure, and tools that keep programs going strong. We believe in full transparency, and you can always review our IRS Form 990 to see how resources are stewarded."

Pro Tip: Don’t shy away from the unglamorous parts of nonprofit work. They’re essential.

​Want to see the rest of the answers in the freebie? It’s loaded with examples. You’ll see how to apply this framework in real situations, with real donor language, and keep things moving forward without losing the heart of the conversation. Every answer in this guide is rooted in respect for donor autonomy and full transparency – two values that keep relationships healthy and real.

DOWNLOAD THE FREE GUIDE NOW

Think of it as a conversational compass – something you can adapt to your voice and situation – rather than a one-size-fits-all speech. You’ve got the passion and the instincts. This will help you put it into words – quickly, confidently, and with the clarity today’s donors (and communities) deserve.
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Cheers!

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