If you want to stall board fundraising quickly, here’s one way to do it:

Tell every board member they need to go ask wealthy people for money.

Now, let me say this clearly. Peer-to-peer asking is powerful. When a board member is willing to sit across from a donor and make a confident, values-aligned request, it can move mountains.

But that is not the only way a board fuels the mission.

And when we reduce board engagement to “who’s going to ask,” we miss the bigger picture.

Fundraising is a team sport. And every board member can play a meaningful role in generating resources.

The key is helping them understand how they are wired to contribute.

I call this finding your Fundraising Avatar.

Superpower: Connections

What you do: You introduce new people to the organization. Friends. Colleagues. Neighbors. Community contacts. You think about who should know about this mission and help make that first connection.

You are not necessarily leading the ask. You are expanding the circle.

Ask yourself: Do I know someone who needs to hear about this work?

Connects to: the Identification stage of the Donor Cycle
​
Without new relationships entering the pipeline, the donor cycle stalls. The Door Opener keeps it moving.

Superpower: Messaging

What you do: You are comfortable speaking about the mission in public or professional settings. Rotary. Chamber events. Networking spaces. You always have a solid elevator pitch ready.

You normalize talking about the organization. You raise visibility. You shape perception.

Ask yourself: Do I find myself naturally talking about this organization in my circles? 

Connects to: the Identification stage of the Donor Cycle. 

​Awareness fuels identification. Identification fuels qualification. The PR Guru strengthens the very top of the funnel.

Superpower: Appreciation

What you do: You help donors feel valued. You volunteer for thank-you calls. You write handwritten notes. You follow up after events to express genuine appreciation.

You understand that stewardship is not an afterthought. It is a growth strategy.

Ask yourself: Do I enjoy making people feel seen and appreciated?

Connects to: the Stewardship stage of the Donor Cycle

Retention is built on gratitude. Loyalty is built on recognition. This role directly impacts long-term sustainability.

​Superpower: Planning and Analysis

What you do: You think through strategy. You review donor lists. You assess return on investment. You brainstorm next steps. You ask smart, clarifying questions that make the team sharper.

In short, you enjoy connecting dots.

Ask yourself: Do I enjoy solving puzzles or making plans that lead to results?

Connects to: the Qualification, Cultivation, and Re-engagement stages of the Donor Cycle

Fundraising needs architects as much as ambassadors. The Strategic Brain strengthens systems and improves decision-making.

Superpower: Leading by Example

What you do: You invest personally. Quietly and consistently. Your giving sets the tone for the rest of the board. You demonstrate commitment without needing the spotlight.

You understand that credibility begins at the board table.

Ask yourself: Am I willing to be one of the first to give and show others this mission is worth it?

Connects to: all phases of the Donor Cycle

When board members give first, external fundraising becomes stronger and more authentic.

Superpower: Steady Execution

What you do: You say, “Just tell me what needs doing.”

You research grant leads. You gather data. You review donor lists. You help prep materials. You cross items off the list that keep campaigns moving forward.

You make progress happen, one action at a time.

Ask yourself: Do I feel most helpful when I’m chipping away at concrete tasks behind the scenes?
​
Connects to: all phases of the Donor Cycle

Momentum depends on execution. This role keeps energy from dissipating.

When board members feel boxed into a single version of fundraising, they resist.

When they see multiple meaningful pathways to contribute, they lean in.

Role clarity reduces anxiety. It replaces vague expectations with concrete action.

Over time, confidence builds.

• The Door Opener might eventually co-solicit.
• The Gratitude Leader might join a donor visit.
• The Task Tackler might take on campaign leadership.

But growth begins with alignment.

As a CEO or Board Chair, your responsibility is not to pressure uniform behavior. It is to build a coordinated system where different strengths work together toward shared goals.
​
That is how boards move from passive oversight to active partnership.

Fundraising is not powered by a few heroic asks.

It grows through consistent participation from people who understand how they contribute.

Helping boards discover that alignment is where the real momentum begins.
​
Cheers!

P.S. This post is part of an ongoing series for nonprofit CEOs and Board Chairs who want to build confident, fundraising-positive boards.
​
If this conversation is resonating, I invite you to subscribe so you don’t miss the next installment. My goal is to give you practical tools you can use at your next board meeting. Each piece builds on the last, and together they form a practical roadmap for strengthening fundraising culture at the leadership level. Next week’s piece tackles one of the most important parts of board fundraising.

If you liked this…

• Separate Your Emotions from Other People’s Money
• Rack Up Your Nos: Why Rejection Is a Fundraiser’s Secret Weapon
• Asking Is Only 5%: Why Your Board Is Afraid of the Wrong Thing
• Fundraising is a Noble Endeavor: Why Board Beliefs Drive Revenue (Or Lack Thereof)
• The 3 Rs of Fundraising Mindset: What It Really Takes to Talk About Money

One of my recommendations for new major gift fundraisers is to go visit a college phonathon program. There you will see what it is like to build rapport fast, ask without fear, overcome objections, and get told “No” a lot.

And I mean a lot! A rock-star student caller calling future donors (alums that have as yet not made a gift to their alma mater) experience 80% refusals.

Major gift officers have a huge advantage over these incredible student fundraisers. They get the benefit of building a long-term organic relationship before asking.

But what the callers get is practice getting comfortable with rejection. That will serve every one of them well no matter what career they go into. And they get that through repetition, getting a sustained volume of asks in a short period of time.

What those callers get is PRACTICE. That’s the antidote to anxiety.

That said, if you want to reduce anxiety around fundraising, I’m going to suggest something that sounds completely counterintuitive.

Start trying to get more nos.

I’m serious.

Rack them up.
​
Because most hesitation in fundraising has very little to do with strategy. It has everything to do with the fear of rejection.

When board members say they are uncomfortable asking for money, what they usually mean is this:

“I don’t want to be told no.”

That no feels personal. It feels like failure. It feels like embarrassment. It feels like confirmation that we asked for too much.

But here’s the truth: Your job is not to secure a yes. Your job is to make the invitation. The outcome belongs to the donor. That distinction changes everything.

Years ago, when I was working directly with student fundraisers, I would sometimes flip their entire goal for the night. Perhaps we were calling a tough group and I knew they would have trouble keeping their motivation high. Instead of focusing on getting pledges, I would say:

“Rack up your nos.”

Every no meant they were actually doing the work. Every no meant they were having real conversations. Every no meant they were one step closer to a yes.

The goal wasn’t perfection.

The goal was practice.

When students focused on collecting no’s instead of avoiding them, something remarkable happened. Their anxiety dropped. Their confidence rose. Their activity increased.

And guess what followed?

More yeses.

Not because they pressured harder.
​
Because they showed up more.

Here’s something else that surprises people. In relationship-based major gift fundraising, you rarely get a full and final no. What you usually get is nuance.

• “I can’t do $50,000 this year, but I could consider $25,000.”
• “Not this quarter, but let’s revisit in six months.”
• “This project isn’t my focus, but I care deeply about scholarships.”

That is not rejection. That is conversation.

When you interpret every hesitation as a personal rejection, you shut down. When you understand it as information, you lean in.

You adjust the amount.
You adjust the timing.
You adjust the focus.
​
Fundraising is not a courtroom verdict. It is an evolving dialogue.

The truth is you cannot control the outcome of an ask.

You can control:

• Your preparation
• Your clarity
• Your alignment with the donor’s interests
• Your courage to call the question

Once you’ve done those things, you have done your job.

The donor’s response is theirs to own.

When you detach your identity from the outcome, asking becomes lighter. It becomes cleaner. It becomes far less intimidating.
​
And ironically, that calm confidence often increases your success rate.

If your board is paralyzed by the fear of rejection, they will delay. They will hedge and soften. They will avoid and procrastinate.

If you reframe the goal from “secure every yes” to “engage in real conversations,” the pressure drops.

You begin to measure success differently:

• Did we show up prepared?
• Did we make a clear, values-aligned invitation?
• Did we listen carefully to the response?
• Did we follow up thoughtfully?

That is success.

Yeses follow consistency.

Consistency requires courage.
​
Courage grows when rejection loses its sting.

At your next board meeting, try this:

Ask each board member to identify one meaningful fundraising action they can take in the next 30 days.

Not a perfect action. Not a guaranteed yes. Just an action.

Then celebrate activity, not just outcomes.
​
When you normalize nos as part of the process, you create a culture of momentum instead of a culture of avoidance.

If your board is stuck in fear of rejection, let’s work through that together.

In a complimentary Board Fundraising Alignment Call, we can examine where emotional friction slows down momentum and build a plan to create a confident, fundraising-positive culture.

Rejection is not the enemy of fundraising.

Inactivity is.

Rack up your nos.

They lead straight to your yeses.
​
Cheers!

P.S. This post is part of an ongoing series for nonprofit CEOs and Board Chairs who want to build confident, fundraising-positive boards.

If this conversation is resonating, I invite you to subscribe so you don’t miss the next installment. My goal is to give you practical tools you can use at your next board meeting. Each piece builds on the last, and together they form a practical roadmap for strengthening fundraising culture at the leadership level. Next week’s piece tackles one of the most misunderstood parts of board fundraising.

If you liked this…

• Asking Is Only 5%: Why Your Board Is Afraid of the Wrong Thing
• Fundraising is a Noble Endeavor: Why Board Beliefs Drive Revenue (Or Lack Thereof)
• The 3 Rs of Fundraising Mindset: What It Really Takes to Talk About Money
• Separate Your Emotions from Other People’s Money
• Rethinking Board Recruitment: The 4 Ws That Really Matter

There is one mindset shift that can dramatically change how a nonprofit board approaches fundraising. (All credit for this phrasing goes to my friend, Justin Ferrell, who used it to get his student fundraisers to become more comfortable asking.)

Separate your emotions from other people’s money.

When I say that in a workshop, I can almost feel the room pause. It sounds simple. It is not.

Most anxiety around fundraising has very little to do with the mission.
​
It has everything to do with money.

Every one of us carries a money story.

Maybe you grew up in scarcity. Maybe money was tight, unpredictable, or a source of tension. Maybe you were taught that talking about money is impolite. Maybe you still live carefully, thoughtfully, responsibly.

Those experiences shape how you feel when you hear or say a large dollar amount.

But they are not universal.

For someone with significant wealth, a major gift may not represent sacrifice. It may represent alignment. It may represent legacy. It may represent an opportunity to use what they have been entrusted with to create positive change.

When a board member or nonprofit leader says, “I could never ask someone for that much,” what they are usually revealing is their own internal discomfort.
​
They are imagining how that amount would feel to them. That is projection and projection creates hesitation. Hesitation softens clarity. And soft asks rarely inspire confident gifts. Leadership requires you to notice that dynamic and step beyond it.

When you separate your emotions from other people’s money, you shift your posture.

You stop imagining that you are taking something from someone.

You begin to recognize that you are offering someone an opportunity to participate in something meaningful.
​
For many donors, giving is about:

• Expressing values
• Investing in long-term impact
• Honoring a loved one
• Creating legacy
• Strengthening community

Money is simply the tool that allows those values to take shape. Your responsibility is not to protect donors from their own generosity. Your responsibility is to articulate the mission clearly and invite them into it. The decision belongs to them.

This is where another reframing becomes powerful.

Your job is not to get the money.

Your job is to make the invitation.

That distinction reduces anxiety immediately.

When I worked with student fundraisers, I taught them to “rack up your nos.” Every no meant they were doing the work. Every no moved them closer to a yes. The goal was not perfection. The goal was forward movement, presenting the needs of the institution to interested parties.

Interestingly, in relationship-based major gift fundraising, you rarely receive a full and final no. What you receive instead is nuance.

A different amount.
A different timeline.
A different philanthropic priority.

That is not rejection. That is conversation.

When you detach your self-worth and your personal money story from the outcome, the conversation becomes lighter. More curious. More collaborative.

You are no longer carrying the emotional weight of the answer.
​
You are simply facilitating alignment.

As a nonprofit CEO or Board Chair, this mindset is not just personal. It is cultural.

If you shrink from big numbers, your board will shrink.

If you speak about fundraising with quiet apology, your board will mirror that tone.

If you model calm confidence and trust in the process, your board will follow.

I often remind leaders: if you work the process, the process will work.

The donor cycle exists to create structure. Identification. Qualification. Cultivation. Asking. Stewardship. Re-engagement. When you honor each phase, you reduce desperation and increase clarity.

Mindset is the foundation that allows the system to function.

Without it, every ask feels personal.
​
With it, fundraising feels strategic and purposeful.

If your board seems anxious around major gifts, ask:

• Are we projecting our own financial experiences onto our donors?
• Are we assuming sacrifice where there may be alignment?
• Are we carrying emotional weight that does not belong to us?

Naming this dynamic out loud can be transformative.
​
Emotional maturity in fundraising does not mean becoming detached or cold. It means becoming steady. It means trusting that donors are capable of making their own decisions. It means leading with clarity instead of projection.

If you sense that money narratives are quietly shaping your board’s engagement, let’s explore that together.

In a complimentary Board Fundraising Alignment Call, we can examine where emotional friction is slowing momentum and build a plan to create a confident, fundraising-positive culture.

Separating your emotions from other people’s money is not cold. It is respectful. It allows donors to decide. And it allows you to lead.
​
Cheers!

P.S. This post is the first part of an ongoing series for nonprofit CEOs and Board Chairs who want to build confident, fundraising-positive boards.

If this conversation is resonating, I invite you to subscribe so you don’t miss the next installment. My goal is to give you practical tools you can use at your next board meeting. Each piece builds on the last, and together they form a practical roadmap for strengthening fundraising culture at the leadership level.

If you liked this…

• Asking Is Only 5%: Why Your Board Is Afraid of the Wrong Thing
• Fundraising is a Noble Endeavor: Why Board Beliefs Drive Revenue (Or Lack Thereof)
• The 3 Rs of Fundraising Mindset: What It Really Takes to Talk About Money
• Your Board Wants to Help with Fundraising – They Just Don’t Know How
• Rethinking Board Recruitment: The 4 Ws That Really Matter

The Donor Cycle is one of the most grounding frameworks in fundraising. It gives structure to something that can otherwise feel mysterious or intimidating.

One graph I love shows the percentages that fundraisers stay in each stage. Notice how small the solicitation slice is (green) compared to cultivation and stewardship (pink and grey).
​
And almost without fail, when I put this chart up on the screen, I see shoulders relax.

Because most of the anxiety around fundraising comes down to one moment.

The moment when someone has to open their mouth and ask.

Of course, boards fixate on the ask. It feels exposed, vulnerable and high-stakes. I understand that fear. Asking requires courage, clarity, and the willingness to hear “no.”

And it is absolutely essential.

But here is the truth that surprises nearly everyone:

Asking is only 5% of the donor cycle.

Five percent.
​
That slice is much smaller than most board members imagine. And when leadership and boards misunderstand that, they either avoid fundraising entirely or approach it with unnecessary tension.

The donor cycle is simply a way of visualizing and systematizing how philanthropic relationships grow over time.

It begins with Identification. This is where you clarify who is most likely to care and most able to invest.

Next comes Qualification. After meeting potential supporters, you determine whether there is genuine alignment and readiness.

Then we move into Cultivation. I often call this “platonic dating.” This is relationship-building without pressure. You meet for coffee. You invite them to events. You share impact stories. You listen. You learn what matters to them. You help them understand the mission more deeply.

Cultivation is where trust is built.

After cultivation comes Solicitation, the Ask. This is where you make a direct request for a gift. The key is values alignment. The request reflects the relationship that has already been built.

Then comes Stewardship, or what I like to call “Thank and Recognize.” You celebrate shared impact. You communicate clearly about results. You express sincere gratitude.

Finally, you re-engage. You begin the cultivation process again, deepening the relationship over time.

When you look at how time is actually distributed across this cycle, about 80% of it is spent in cultivation and stewardship. Relationship-building and gratitude.

Asking? Five percent.

It is not the everyday.
​
It is an inflection point.

One of my former bosses is a minister. When I first walked her through the donor cycle and showed her that asking represented such a small portion of the overall process, she was visibly relieved.

She had a significant ask coming up with a donor we had spent considerable time cultivating. We had met with this donor multiple times. We understood her interests. She understood our vision. There was genuine trust in the relationship.

We practiced the ask beforehand. We went into the meeting prepared. That preparation eased some of her anxiety.

Afterward, she could not stop talking about how organic and authentic it felt. Of course, it felt that way. The relationship had already been built. The ask was simply the next logical step in a shared conversation. And yes, it was successful.
​
That is how fundraising should feel. Relationship first.

Board members often imagine fundraising as a constant state of asking. As if they will be pressured to request money in every conversation.

That is not how healthy fundraising works.

Healthy fundraising looks like:

• Listening carefully
• Sharing stories of impact
• Connecting mission to values
• Expressing gratitude
• Deepening trust

Then, at the right moment, calling the question.

You do have to call the question. That step is essential. You do have to follow up appropriately and secure an answer. Fundraising is not passive.

But when you understand that the ask sits within a much larger relational framework, it becomes far less intimidating.
​
It becomes purposeful. Graceful. Aligned.

If your board is anxious about fundraising, start by teaching the donor cycle.

Help them see that asking is not a daily burden. It is a small, strategic part of a much larger relationship-building process.

Invite them into cultivation. Encourage thank-you calls. Create opportunities for shared impact stories. Let them experience the joy of stewardship.

When board members realize that most of fundraising is about connection and gratitude, something shifts.

The ask stops feeling like a cliff.

It starts feeling like a bridge.
​
And bridges are meant to be crossed.

If your board feels stuck at the word “ask,” let’s unpack that together.

In 30 minutes, we’ll pinpoint where fear is creeping in and outline a clear path to board confidence. I’m opening three complimentary Board Fundraising Alignment Calls this month. You can reserve a time here.

Fundraising is consistent relationship building, not constant asking.

And when you understand that, the entire experience becomes lighter, clearer, and far more effective.

Cheers!

P.S. This post is the first part of an ongoing series for nonprofit CEOs and Board Chairs who want to build confident, fundraising-positive boards.

If this conversation is resonating, I invite you to subscribe so you don’t miss the next installment. My goal is to give you practical tools you can use at your next board meeting. Each piece builds on the last, and together they form a practical roadmap for strengthening fundraising culture at the leadership level.

If you liked this… 

• Fundraising is a Noble Endeavor: Why Board Beliefs Drive Revenue (Or Lack Thereof)
• Your Board Wants to Help with Fundraising – They Just Don’t Know How
• Rethinking Board Recruitment: The 4 Ws That Really Matter
• Culture of Philanthropy Check-Up
• The 3 Rs of Fundraising Mindset: What It Really Takes to Talk About Money

Fundraisers love numbers – but we don’t always slow down to read them.

When I look at donor giving histories, I’m not just tallying lifetime value or calculating retention. I’m looking for inflection points. Clues. Moments that tell me a donor is thinking differently about their relationship with the organization.

You can spot those moments – if you know what to look for.

In my last blog post, I revealed my strategy for connecting annual giving to major and planned giving for board members. Through this process of telling the long version of donors’ origin stories, I saw patterns that repeated. I kept seeing similar types of gifts that signaled the donor had deepened in their connection to the organization’s mission.

Once you know them, you’ll be able to spot these in the gift histories of your current major donors. After a while, you’ll be able to see these gifts when they happen and optimize your systems to steward these donors to the next level!

Here are three gift types I always flag in donor bios:

1. The “Kick the Tires” Gift

This is the donor’s very first gift. It’s usually modest – $25, $50, maybe $100. But don’t let the size fool you.

This gift is a test. They’re watching how your organization responds. Do you acknowledge quickly? Do you give thanks personally? Do you make it easy to give again? Do they feel seen?

Most board members don’t realize that your largest donors often start right here. Not with a gala. Not with a campaign. But with a small, quiet gift and a lot of curiosity.

Track this gift like it matters – because it does.

By reframing first time gifts as “kick the tires” gifts, organizations leverage their systems to make sure every new donor has an exceptional experience and feels appreciated.

Ask yourself: Do you have any special communication or benefits that help first-time donors feel recognized? How I can I use email, phone, volunteer/board outreach, and mail to have this donor feel the love and their impact?

2. The “Hand-Raising” Gift

You’ve got a donor who’s given $100 a year for a decade. Then suddenly – boom – a $1,000 check shows up.

That’s not random. That’s intentional.

The exact numbers matter less than the jump. A $25 dollar donor jumps to $500. A $1,000 donor jumps to $5,000.

All of these are donors signaling interest. They’re re-evaluating what your work means to them. And they’re inviting you to respond.

When you see this kind of jump, drop everything and make a call. Not to ask for more – but to listen. What changed? What are they excited about? Who or what inspired the new level of giving?

This is your chance to deepen the relationship before they drift away.

Ask yourself: Do I have a notification system that will let me know when “hand-raising” gifts happens? What’s my process when I learn about them?

3. The “Breakthrough” Gift

Here’s where it gets exciting. You see a donor move into five- or six-figure territory, or they’ve set up a multi-year pledge. Maybe they’ve reached out about leaving a bequest.

This donor is no longer an annual donor – they are in the pipeline.

Yes, these bumps happen with personal visits and cultivation, but sometimes the donor decides to make the leap.

When I see this move, I bring them into a different lane. Personal stewardship. Custom impact reports. Invitations to help shape the vision, not just fund it. Because at this level, they’re not just giving – they’re investing.

This is where cultivation becomes partnership.

Ask yourself: How can I make sure I don’t miss any of these breakthrough gifts? What’s my plan to meet this donor and find out what their philanthropic goals are for the long-term?

In conclusion…

Make sure these three moments show up in your reports. More than data points, these three gift types represent real shifts in mindset. Catching them early and responding with intention is how you build a stronger, smarter pipeline.

Because fundraising isn’t just about chasing dollars. It’s about listening to the story those dollars are trying to tell you.

Cheers!

P.S. Like this kind of insight? Subscribe to Real Deal Fundraising and get my best articles, tools, and curated resources every week – including webinars, videos, and free downloads.

If you liked this…

• From $50 to Six Figures: How I Got Board Members to Care About Annual Giving
• Scripts to Bring Up Planned Giving Without Feeling Weird About It
• 4 Power Questions to Ask Donors That Build Rapport and Lead to Major Gifts
• What is Gracious Receivership and why Fundraisers Need to Practice It
• How to Ask for Donor Lists Without Delays or Drama

I was fortunate in my role at the University of Southern Mississippi. My VP made space for me – literally – on every board agenda. I had a standing spot to update the USM Foundation board on annual giving, and I could use that time however I saw fit.

Sure, I gave them numbers. But I didn’t stop there.

I used that time to give them the narratives beyond the numbers. Histories. I pulled the giving records of donors they already admired – the names they knew from building dedications and big announcements – and traced them back to their beginnings. Because almost all of them started small.

I wanted the board to see what I saw every day: Annual giving isn’t just about this year’s total. It’s about long-term trust. It’s how major donors begin. The large gifts you are getting today started with trust-building 10 or more years ago. And how you are treating your $50 donors today is how you are treating your future major and planned giving donors of tomorrow.
​
This post is about how I helped shift board thinking – from shrugging at $50 gifts to recognizing them as the first step toward six-figure support.

At every board meeting, I brought receipts. Literally.

I’d share two or three donor stories. Not headline gifts. Origin stories. I’d pull the giving history of a well-known benefactor – the kind of donor whose name was etched on a building or whose estate gift had changed our endowment – and I’d start at the very beginning.

Turns out, the beginning wasn’t glamorous. No gala. No VIP treatment. Just a reply card in the mail or a quick online donation. Often $50, sometimes $100. Inspired by a direct mail piece or a phone call from a student caller.

I told the story of how that first gift came in. How we acknowledged it. How we followed up. What kind of communication they received. How they were stewarded over time. And then I showed the leap: four-figure giving. Five. Sometimes more.

By the third or fourth board meeting, it started to click.

Annual giving isn’t just about dollars this year. It’s a pipeline. And more than that – it’s a vetting process. Donors with real capacity don’t show their full hand right away. They start small. They're testing your systems. They’re watching your stewardship. They want to know: Will my gift make an impact here? Can I trust this organization to be a good partner?

And the truth is, annual giving is the only system robust enough to keep that door open over time. It keeps your data clean. It helps you stay in touch when someone changes jobs or cities. It gives you cues about life changes that might signal major or planned giving potential.

It’s not just donor acquisition. It’s donor cultivation in slow motion.

When I layered in real data – about how much of our major gift pipeline had once started with a $25 or $50 gift – something shifted. Board members started asking about the annual giving numbers. They started taking the appeal letters home. A few even gave leadership annual gifts themselves.

The modest gifts didn’t seem so modest anymore.

And that’s the whole point.

If you want major and planned gifts tomorrow, you have to care deeply about annual giving today.
​
Cheers!

P.S. Like this kind of insight? Subscribe to Real Deal Fundraising and get my best articles, tools, and curated resources every week – including webinars, videos, and free downloads.

If you liked this…

• Your Board Wants to Help with Fundraising – They Just Don’t Know How
• Rethinking Board Recruitment: The 4 Ws That Really Matter
• Phonathons Are STILL Not Dead – Busting the Biggest Myths About Calling Donors
• How to Build a Philanthropy Calendar That Drives Digital Donations
• How to Ask for Donor Lists Without Delays or Drama

When I taught my first graduate-level course this summer – Ethical and Community-Centered Fundraising – I expected good questions. What I didn’t expect was just how much anxiety would surface around one specific topic: planned giving.

These were smart, values-driven future leaders. People already thinking in terms of justice, legacy, and long-term impact. But the minute we shifted into planned giving, the energy changed.

It wasn’t the concept they struggled with. It was the conversation.

How do you bring up wills and estate plans without making it weird?
What if you say the wrong thing?
What if it feels morbid – or worse, transactional?

At their request, I created a simple guide: real phrases, grounded in real situations, to make legacy conversations feel natural, honest, and even hopeful.

Turns out, it’s not just my students who need this.
So if you’ve ever felt that same hesitation – this post is for you.

Because here’s the truth: Planned giving conversations don’t have to be awkward. They can be inspiring. They can even be joyful.

You don’t need to be a tax expert. You just need to know how to bring it up – gracefully and confidently.

Let’s start there.

Sometimes you’ll have donors reaching out first – through your website, a legacy giving survey, or in response to a donor story. Those are the easiest planned giving conversations because the interest is already there.

​But when you need to be the one to raise the topic, here are some ways to bring it up without making it feel heavy:

• “I know how deeply you care about our mission. Have you ever thought about how you’d like that impact to continue in the future?”
• “We’ve been talking a lot about your commitment to this cause. Some donors choose to include a gift that lasts beyond their lifetime – has that idea ever crossed your mind?”
• “Can I ask – have you done any estate planning? Sometimes people like to include a charitable gift, and I always make sure our most loyal supporters know that’s an option.”
• “You strike me as someone who thinks ahead. I wonder if you’ve ever explored including causes you care about in your long-term plans?”
• “You’ve done so much for this organization already. If you ever want to talk about ways to make your impact last, even after your lifetime, I’d love to be part of that conversation.”

​You’re not pushing. You’re not being morbid. You’re simply opening a door – letting them know that this kind of giving is possible, meaningful, and available to them.

You do need to have these conversations. Here’s why:

🟢 Planned gifts are huge. On average, they’re 200–300x the size of an annual gift. That’s because they’re made from lifetime assets, not income. (Source: National Estate Planning Awareness Week)

🟢 They’re already in your database. The donors who are most likely to leave you in their will? They're not wealthy strangers. They’re the consistent supporters who’ve given every year for the past decade. (Source: How to Talk About Death and Taxes)

🟢 You’ll never know unless you ask. A $25-a-month donor might be planning a six-figure bequest and never mention it unless you give them a reason to.

🟢 There’s $12 trillion on the move. The Great Wealth Transfer is projected to move $84 trillion by 2045, with $11.9 trillion going to charitable causes. That wave is already building. (Source: How to Talk About Death and Taxes)

🟢 Peer stories work. When donors hear from others like them who’ve made legacy commitments, your inbox starts filling up with questions – not awkward ones, but warm, intentional ones like: “Can I do this too?” (Source: Planned Giving Leads Don’t Generate Themselves)

🟢 You don’t need to overcomplicate it. Bequests and beneficiary designations are all most donors need to know. These are simple, flexible tools that don’t require financial wizardry or legal acrobatics. (Source: Cut Through the Clutter)

These conversations become easier when you stop thinking of them as talking about death and start thinking of them as talking about legacy.

“What if your annual support could live on forever? By including [Your Nonprofit] in your estate, you could turn your yearly gift into a lasting endowment.”

This is about continuity. It’s about making their values stretch beyond a single lifetime. It’s not about dying – it’s about staying connected to something they believe in.
​
And when you position it that way, it doesn’t feel grim. It feels good.

Your donors won’t bring this up on their own unless they’ve already made a decision. Your job is to create the conditions where that decision becomes possible.

And that starts with language – gentle, honest, open-ended questions that let the donor lead, but make it clear that legacy giving is an option you believe in and value.

So don’t be afraid to ask.
​
And when they say yes? Be ready with the next step: a landing page, sample language, a checklist, or a simple conversation about how to make it happen.

📌 Want a quick win? Use these same phrases in:

• Your direct mail acknowledgments
• Thank-you calls to long-time donors
• Conversations with board members and volunteers
• Email or social media content during National Estate Planning Awareness Week

Planned giving isn’t about “the ask.” It’s about the invitation.

When you know how to extend it with confidence and care, the whole conversation shifts – from something to avoid… to one of the most meaningful parts of your work.

​Cheers!

P.S. Like this kind of insight? Subscribe to Real Deal Fundraising and get my best articles, tools, and curated resources every week – including webinars, videos, and free downloads.

If you liked this…

• National Estate Planning Awareness Week
• Cut Through the Clutter
• Planned Giving Leads Don’t Generate Themselves
• How to Talk about Death and Taxes
• Spring Cleaning for Fundraisers: Organizing Planned Giving Documentation

This week, gratitude has been on my mind even more than a normal November.
​
One of my favorite professors from undergrad, Dr. Stanley Hauer, passed away recently. He was incredibly smart, deeply generous with his knowledge, and so precise in his thinking and teaching that decades later, I can still draw the entire Indo-European language family tree from memory. Because of him, I could once recite the opening of Beowulf in Old English and The Canterbury Tales in Middle English.

​Two nights ago, I pulled out my old British Studies binder (I studied The Legends of King Arthur with him in London) and I flipped through page after page of notes, careful outlines, maps, diagrams, and lecture handouts. I could practically hear his voice. He was meticulous. He expected a lot. And what he gave all of us was a kind of training in how to think clearly, how to care about language, and how to carry knowledge forward.

He’s been on my mind so much lately.

And it got me thinking about the gifts we’re given that don’t show up on transcripts or diplomas. The ones we carry long after the exams are over.

I was a scholarship recipient at The University of Southern Mississippi. Donor support made it possible for me to study abroad, to intern in D.C., to attend conferences at places like Princeton. I heard lectures from world-class scholars because someone gave to our University Forum series. I graduated with minimal student debt and a wide-open sense of possibility.

But what those scholarships really bought me wasn’t just travel or resume lines.

They bought me the chance to sit in classrooms like Dr. Hauer’s. To learn how to make connections across centuries. To feel my brain stretch around ideas I wouldn’t have encountered any other way. That’s the kind of education no one can ever take from you.

And here’s what I know now, after years in fundraising: somewhere, a donor (probably many donors) made that possible. Someone gave to the Honors College. Someone gave to the Annual Fund. Someone gave to international programs. Someone gave to make sure a curious kid from Alabama could see Van Gogh’s Starry Night in person – and come home thinking differently about the world.

That’s why I do this work. That’s why I believe in it so deeply.

Donors often never meet the people they impact. But that doesn’t make the impact any smaller. It might make it bigger. Because it means we give not just to people we know – but to a future we believe in.

This Thanksgiving, I’m holding deep gratitude for the education I received, for the donors who made it possible, and for the professors – like Dr. Hauer – ​who shaped the way I see and think and live.

May we all honor the people who taught us well. And may we keep passing that knowledge on.
​
Cheers,

P.S. Like this kind of insight?
Subscribe to Real Deal Fundraising and get my best articles, tools, and curated resources every week – including webinars, videos, and free downloads.

If you liked this…

• Thoughts for Thursday: From a Scholarship Recipient, Me
• Planned Giving Leads Don’t Generate Themselves – But They Can Be Sparked
• Decision Styles in Fundraising: It’s Not About What Moves You – It’s About What Moves Them
• Nonprofit Branding: How to Make Your Mission Memorable​
• Motivation Monday: Who are Your Grateful Patients?

So let’s talk about a fundraising skill that never makes the slide deck – but affects every single donor conversation: your ability to receive.

Receiving: the skill of accepting with grace – no strings, no scrambling, no shame. If you can’t accept a compliment without brushing it off, if you downplay a gift or reflexively offer something back the second someone does something kind for you… it might be time to take a closer look at your receivership muscle.

Yes, I said receivership. As in, the ability to simply receive.

Not barter.
Not apologize.
Not prove you’ve earned it.

Just receive.
​​
Now, I know this might sound like a soft skill or a personality quirk. But hear me out. This is mindset work. And for fundraisers, it matters.

Most fundraisers I know didn’t get into this work because they wanted attention or praise. We’re here to serve. We advocate for missions we believe in. We lift others up. But too often, that servant mindset gets twisted into something smaller: self-neglect, chronic under-earning, burnout, or quiet insecurity that whispers you’re not doing enough no matter how much you give.

And if you’re carrying that around – if you’ve internalized the message that your worth is tied to your productivity or output – donors will pick up on it.

Not consciously. But it seeps in.

You’ll hedge your asks.
You’ll downplay your case.
You’ll lead with scarcity instead of confidence.

​You’ll make it harder for them to give.

Here’s the truth I come back to, again and again: Worthiness is inherent. Not earned. Not measured by campaign goals or gift totals. It’s your birthright. Mine too.

But most of us weren’t raised to feel that in our bones. And let’s be honest, nonprofit culture doesn’t always help. We celebrate hustle and sacrifice. We glorify being “lean.” We wear our under-resourced status like a badge. And then we wonder why our donors hesitate.
​
That energy – of not-enoughness – clashes with the generosity we’re asking for. If we want donors to see our missions as worthy of investment, we have to believe that ourselves. And that starts with how we show up in everyday life.

Let someone buy your coffee without rushing to get the next round.

Accept a compliment without shrinking or deflecting. Just say thank you.

Take a breath when someone helps you, instead of jumping into apology or explanation.

These are small things. But they add up. They rewire your nervous system to believe: I can receive. I don’t have to hustle for every drop of goodness in my life.

And that’s the same belief you need when you sit across from a donor and ask for a major gift. It’s the belief that says: This work is worthy. This mission deserves support. And I am a trustworthy guide for your generosity.

That doesn’t come from a script. It comes from the inside out.

If this resonates with you, I’d love to hear how you’ve worked on receiving in your own life. Or where you’ve struggled with it. It’s tender work – but it’s the kind that changes everything.

Let’s stop shrinking. Let’s stop scrambling to prove ourselves. Let’s remember what was true all along: You’re worthy. Your mission is worthy. And it’s okay to receive.
​
Cheers!

P.S. Like this kind of insight?
Subscribe to Real Deal Fundraising and get my best articles, tools, and curated resources every week – including webinars, videos, and free downloads.

If you liked this…

• The 3 Rs of Fundraising Mindset: What It Really Takes to Talk About Money
• The Magic Formula for Making a Confident Fundraising Ask
• Microwave Fundraising vs. Crockpot Fundraising: Why the Slow Simmer Wins Every Time
• Why Most Fundraising Plans Fail (and How to Build One That Doesn’t)
• 4 Power Questions to Ask Donors That Build Rapport and Lead to Major Gifts

In fundraising, we’ve spent decades perfecting donor-centered language – polished, warm, affirming. And there’s value in that. But as we lean further into equity, honesty, and shared power, we’re realizing something: partnership requires candor. Community centric fundraising built on that sort of trusting partnership is the future.

You can’t build trust on flattery. You build it on clarity.

That’s what my new resource is really about. It’s not a script. It’s not a list of ways to smooth over discomfort. It’s a toolkit for having honest conversations with donors – without losing connection, mission, or respect.

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been asked this question: "What do I even say when a donor asks [fill in the awkward, unexpected, or slightly skeptical question here]?"

If you’ve worked in fundraising for more than five minutes, you’ve felt that moment. Someone hits you with a curveball – maybe it’s well-intentioned, maybe it’s a little tense – and suddenly your mind goes blank. You want to respond with confidence and kindness, but your brain’s still trying to find the first word.

That’s why I created The Real Deal Fundraiser’s Quick Guide to Donor Questions.

It’s a free resource packed with clear, kind, mission-centered answers to the questions we all get asked – and sometimes dread. Whether it’s “Why do you need my gift if you already got a big one from [another donor]?” or “Can I trust you’ll use my money wisely?”, this guide helps you find your footing and keep the conversation moving in the right direction.

Underneath it all is a simple framework I first learned in phonathon and have used ever since:

Listen. Acknowledge. Support. Continue.
It’s not a script – it’s a mindset. And it works.

• Listen – Really listen. Not just to the words, but to the tone and subtext.
  If someone says “I’m retired,” don’t assume what that means. Are they joyfully gardening between river cruises, or feeling anxious on a fixed income? Same phrase, very different needs.
• Acknowledge – Show them they’ve been heard.
  “Sounds like you’ve had a big transition recently,” or “You’ve earned some rest after working hard for so long.”
• Support – Make your case with warmth and clarity.
  “We have donors in all life stages who support the mission in different ways.”
• Continue – Bring it back to the goal of the conversation.
  “I know you really care about [cause/mission]. We’d love to have you involved in a way that works for you – let’s discuss some options.” Then offer monthly giving, IRA Rollover gifts, etc.

This isn’t about avoiding tough topics. It’s about having the tools to meet them head-on – with empathy, strategy, and the kind of language that invites real partnership. Here’s an another example:

Donor: “What percentage of my gift actually goes to the mission?”

You: "Totally fair question. 100% of your gift supports our mission. That includes the people, infrastructure, and tools that keep programs going strong. We believe in full transparency, and you can always review our IRS Form 990 to see how resources are stewarded."

Pro Tip: Don’t shy away from the unglamorous parts of nonprofit work. They’re essential.

​Want to see the rest of the answers in the freebie? It’s loaded with examples. You’ll see how to apply this framework in real situations, with real donor language, and keep things moving forward without losing the heart of the conversation. Every answer in this guide is rooted in respect for donor autonomy and full transparency – two values that keep relationships healthy and real.

Think of it as a conversational compass – something you can adapt to your voice and situation – rather than a one-size-fits-all speech. You’ve got the passion and the instincts. This will help you put it into words – quickly, confidently, and with the clarity today’s donors (and communities) deserve.
​
Cheers!

P.S. Like this kind of insight?
Subscribe to Real Deal Fundraising and get my best articles, tools, and curated resources every week – including webinars, videos, and free downloads.

If you liked this…

• 4 Power Questions to Ask Donors That Build Rapport and Lead to Major Gifts
• Discovery Visits Demystified: Tips for Effective Donor Meetings
• The 3 Questions Donors Ask About IRA Rollover Gifts (and How to Answer Them)
• What to Say to Donors in Uncertain Times: The Near, Dear, Clear Fundraising Framework
• Leveraging National Estate Planning Awareness Week for Planned Giving Success